October 9, 2019 4 Minutes
The idea of taking a medication solely for our mental health can be overwhelming. There is stigma, shame, even self-loathing. Why do I need a medication to make me right? Right? It’s like admitting there is something wrong with you. But there is nothing WRONG with you. Maybe your brain chemistry and life circumstances have created an imbalance but that’s not wrong just different. Now I must give the standard psychiatrist’s line, what if you had diabetes? Would you refuse insulin? Then there are the horror stories. The side effects can sound so scary and they can be awful, quite frankly, but they fade and when they do we feel better and it was all worth it. A friend of a friend got worse, in mental health we often get worse before we get better, we’re clearing the mental toxins. An online article promotes supplements instead (supplements have their place in your holistic health) but nothing replaces proper, consistent, monitored medicine.
So, we go into the psychiatrist office already skeptical, on guard, and ready to defend our positions. This just adds another layer of resistance and another barrier to treatment. I should give some advice here first. Make sure you find a psychiatrist who LISTENS, unfortunately the are some pill farms out there (a good indicator is the number of medications they prescribe at once, it should only be one at a time). Also, BE HONEST, first with OURSELVES, and then with our psychiatrist. It can be intimidating so don’t fall into telling the dr what they want to hear (yes, I’m a serious people pleaser too).
Next, we will find the first medication might not work. It certainly doesn’t work right away like we hoped and it may never work. So, we try another one. Now we may find one that works but it only works for some of the symptoms so we may need a combination but we must do only one at a time. Each one can take 4-8 weeks to work so this process is ridiculously frustrating. This is when we must be patient and it won’t hurt to have a little faith. All we want is to feel better. We aren’t sure the medicine will ever work so why go through all this? Remember our dr is there to support us. She or he is on our side and wants us to get better as well, don’t forget that. Our psychiatrist is just a member of our TEAM (our support system). You pay for services rendered and you are in charge. Be your own best advocate!
Having said all that let me tell you about my own personal experience. I’ve been taking medications on and off for more than twenty years. It started with antidepressants as a teenager (16). I wasn’t sure I needed, wanted, or deserved the medication so I was constantly on and off. I finally had a breakdown at 24. This is when I was finally diagnosed as bipolar and agoraphobic. It was ugly but after a couple tries I found a psychiatrist I could work with. I was going to therapy this whole time. I couldn’t get anywhere in therapy because I was so all over the place I was in constant crisis mode. When you’re in crisis mode there is no time to work on PAST issues. Living in survival mode means only thinking about your immediate safety and your immediate needs. Like Maslow’s hierarchy of needs if we want to move on to a higher level consciousness our immediate needs must be sufficiently satisfied and we must feel safe that they will remain so in the future in order to move on to deeper subjects. It was the medication that cleared my emotions and brought me back to reality. And that gave me the stability to work on my shit with my therapist. I was finally getting somewhere and working through the trauma that caused my breakdown. Unfortunately that’s not the end of my medication resistance! Throughout my life, even when on medication, I will suddenly declare I no longer need it and stop. Then I would make some terrible life choice or become victim to more trauma and then get back on the medication. And now, I’ve got new crap to deal with!
Looking back, after 25 years, there is a clear pattern. I’ve managed to deal with a lot of my past a little at a time and in spurts. I can honestly say the only time I was ever able to get beyond a past trauma is when I was somewhat stable and definitely medicated. I’ve had several stable periods where I was functioning, going to school, and working through my past. During these stable periods I would eventually get complacent. I didn’t always stay in therapy and so I wasn’t always on top of my mental state. When my brain/body balance got out of whack because I wasn’t being honest with myself (can’t be honest with your dr if you’re not honest with yourself) I would quit taking my medicine. Why take it if it’s not working? Because we need constant adjustments. We need to be honest with ourselves. Medicine has pulled me back from the edge when it was too dark for anyone to reach me. Medicine has allowed me the clarity to think through things. Being properly medicated is life changing. Living without medication is just surviving, muddling through, and suffering.